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Today is the perfect day to start living your dreams...or not.

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I saw this image on my Instagram feed yesterday just after DH and I had a chat about how he was feeling. If I had saw this image before our conversation, I would be all for it. But alas, I saw it after, and I just felt defeated. At the end of our conversation, well, I ended the conversation, DH said "well, we're not having kids any time soon anyway". To which I said, "we could be trying to have kids, and could have a child by next year if you wanted to". The only response I got was a shrug.

How did you know your clinic was "the one"?

We have only been to one fertility clinic for a consult. The experience was fine, the clinic was really nice, and our patient coordinator has been so helpful. However, DH found that they were really pushy in getting us to start IVF right away. The urologist he met with also practiced out of the same clinic, and he was also very pushy towards IVF.

I've read that for IUI to be one of the potential methods, DH needs at least 5 million sperms so there will still be a substantial number after the wash. DH's sperm counts are LOW, at 1 million, so I wasn't as surprised that they were pushing for IVF.

I've put in a request to go to another fertility clinic. So here we are waiting again. How many clinics did you consult with before find the one? How did you know it was the one?

Chromosomal Defect...Say WHAT?

In the midst of dealing with DH's depression diagnosis, he also got a call from our fertility doctor about a cytogenetics test he took when he met with the urologist. The test showed that DH has a paracentric inversion of chromosome 1.

I had, still have, no idea what this means. DH has been referred to a geneticist, but it will probably be weeks, if not months, before we get an appointment.

Of course, I had to turn to Google.

Wham Bam! Your World is Crumbling Ma'am!

The only thing I can do is think of a funny title. It's been a little over a week since my world has come crashing down. As you know, DH has an extremely low sperm count. I was beginning to be comfortable with that. He still has sperm, so IVF is an option. It will be a very trying, and expensive process, but it is still an option.

Then, last Monday happened...

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DH has been really stressed, and exhausted the last few months. He started a new job at the beginning of the year, and it's been hard for him to not be the big fish in a small pond anymore. He was so excited to start this new job, he had nothing but positive, and grand things to say about his new employer...before he even started to work.

Running cost of TTC

I figured it might be worthwhile to keep track of how much we spend on TTC. I will probably be depressed knowing how much I spent, but I think it's good to keep track.

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How much have you spent on TTC? Let me know in the comments below!

First appointment with the urologist

DH met with the urologist one day after our meeting with the fertility doctor. The urologist he met with was also part of the Olive Fertility. DH was not very happy with his experience. The doctor was late, which is fine, but he only spent 10 minutes with him. After meeting with Dr. Nakhuda, our fertility doctor, we were under the impression that the urologist will ask for another semen analysis. Dr. Nakhuda said that because the first two semen analysis were done pretty close together, it was worth doing another one to see if anything has changed. Also, all of his blood test results were normal, so that was a relief. But nope, the urologist was not interested in doing another test. DH explained that he had a hydrocele when he was younger, and the surgery to drain it had some complications. Further, he is pre-diabetic, and his father had varicoceles.